Not just in the way of sleep
but just tired of everything. I don’t know what’s gotten me into this mood but I feel like giving up. Just dropping everything and not trying.
But I don’t feel like that. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want to give up, I’ve just lost enthusiasm. Maybe everything will pick up in the next month. Hopefully after this weekend.
I need some space…
I really need to talk to someone right now. I keep going over what I want to say in my head, the many ways a conversation/scenario could unfold. But it’s fake, it’s how I want to interpret it. I keep torturing myself over little things. I’m worried, I’m upset, I don’t know how to feel. Everything’s all jumbled up and I don’t know what to do :/
There’s one person I want to talk to, need to talk to right now, but she’s too far away. I miss her so much… I don’t want to talk about these things over the phone, imagining her smile when I hear her laugh. I want to be with her, hug her, tell her how much she means to me. I can’t talk to anyone about this either, they won’t understand, no one ever does. I want my best friend back, she means the world to me.
As much as I’d love to talk to someone and get rid of these frustrations, I want to get away from everyone too. I’m in my room without any light, only the warm glow from my laptop. It’s warm and sunny outside, perfect weather for the beach/pool; it’s the first day of 2012 and all I want to do is lie in bed and do nothing. More than that I want to run outside and get as far away from the house as possible. I don’t want to spend another minute with my family today. They haven’t done anything to upset me, I’m just in a bad mood feeling lonely and frustrated. I just want some peace and quite and home is not the right place. The only other place I want to be right now is empty for the next 5 days. I just need to get out of here and forget about everything. I don’t care what fucking year it is, I just want to be someone else somewhere else…